Two Poems, One Year Apart

I. 2018

How long can I hold my breath

in this murky, underwater state?


Life moves in slow motion.

Here, strange fish glide past-

feathers mark them as birds

in a different world.

There, tall grass sways

in the current.


My lungs are screaming-

-breathe in

-breathe in

it’s only air.


II. 2019


my head above water,

I begin to swim

towards shore.


I get fatigued-

my body’s heavy,

still waterlogged,

and yet-


Clear air

and sunshine-

kiss my face

each day.


I was recently flipping through a journal and came across the first poem. I remember writing it. I was sitting on a bench outside, feeling utterly defeated by depression. I had gone for a walk on a trail I’d paced a hundred times, but felt foreign on the path and in my own body. Everything heavy, I sat on a bench and looked numbly at the world around me. All the parts of being outside that I love the most- the sun, the animals, the plants- seemed wrong. The sunlight was flat, the grasses moved unnaturally, and the birds seemed oblivious to my presence- as if I had already faded away.

These days, I still walk the same trail. Sometimes it feels like a chore, and sometimes it feels just right. I listen to the meadowlarks sing and the prairie dogs yip, and moving forward is easy. One foot in front of the other, I let the motion of my legs carry me without a thought. Other days, the weight of depression demands my attention. When that happens, and I’m overwhelmed by the sense that I shouldn’t be here- I shouldn’t be anywhere- all I can do is breathe, and wait for another good day.


Your brain

2 thoughts on “Two Poems, One Year Apart

  1. Wow what a difference between those poems! Both are beautiful! I always think it’s lovely when you can see your progress through your creativity💕🌷

    Liked by 1 person

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